I am doing fine. All is well. I think. I am having a hard time understanding all of the emotions and thoughts that are in me. Kellie commented to me that a trial like this will help a marriage grow stronger. I agree. But still I remain confused. This is a horrible situation. We have some roommates. We love them and are so glad that they are here with us. Aidan loves them. But they haven't been lucky in the job hunt since they came to stay with us a month ago. So in my household their are four unemployed adults. What a scary thought! My family has become a statistic. I have been scared of such a situation since I became a stay at home mom.
I think of all the potential scenarios that could and probably will happen. I am calm. Since Brian came home on Wednesday.... my heart is calm. My mind is telling me to come up with contingency plans. But my heart is full and yet calm. This is not normal for me. I don't outright panic but I do stress and formulate etc. etc. I keep giving credit to both Satan and the Lord. I know that Satan is testing my family and my comfort zones. I know that the Lord has the power to know what is best and make it all better. I keep thinking to myself that maybe we should forfiet going to DC in 6 days. But my heart says no. Have faith and go. I not only want this but I deserve it. Is this irrational? As I type the tears are finally coming. But because of what? Once again I feel our situation is not troubling. I have always proclaimed myself to be a "Doubting Thomas." I am. I do not have confidence in myself when it comes to anything. I feel that all will be fine. Don't panic. But yet I think I am hiding, covering, burying emotions that will come out. So I try and force a panic, stress. Nothing.
I don't want to worry Brian. He has enough stress. But is this that I am feeling correct or do I not know or understanding my own emotions?
Well I just that I am correct and everything will work out. It will right?
Ether 12:27
I need to stop this blog. I am going in circles and not making sense anymore....
3 comments:
Katie.... It's a natural thing to feel the way you do, it's what man does, he naturally falls to the negative but that's where faith comes in. You have faith that things will turn out right, and they will, but the two together are incongruent causing you to feel like your head is spinning. Just like the spin cycle on the washing machine, it can't go on forever and will eventually stop. And all your socks will still be there..... How cool is that? (Ya I know, dumb)
After feeling like I am writing a novel here.. I feel like I need to have my thoughts on this topic posted for my own journalling sake. I love you- read my blog..
Just want to share a talk I heard on Sunday... or a piece of it anyway. Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." I think you are already trusting in the Lord and following him in faith. That's why you aren't in a panic. Stress and doubt with come and go, but as long as you continue to follow your heart (and the Spirit) everything will work out. Who better to direct our paths than the One who can see it all?
You are AMAZING!!! And I love you.
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