Reset and begin again

So after a week of going to hell and back I am feeling a bit better. I think starting tomorrow I will be posting daily again. I thought about doing some back blogging, but decided that, after three days of trying to muster positive feelings and energies, it would be better not to look back. For those of you new to my personal hell I will give you the briefest of overviews. I miscarried. I was in a lot of pain for about two days and drugged up for about three. During all that time I was in the midst of some pretty strong emotions. Constant crying, a feeling forlorn, depressed, unworthy, confused, distraught, disgusted, angry, aloof etc. etc. etc. I wasn't doing very good.

For some, these type of emotions would have been expected and understandable. For me, no. I hate emotions. Emotions of all kinds annoy me. I am bizarre, I know. My favorite feeling is normal. Normal is not angry, not upset, not overly happy, not sad, not blissful, not anything but normal... maybe content. If I have an extreme emotion I know that something will change it and make it bad. For example, being super happy that after lots of time trying to get pregnant, I was pregnant. That was taken from me. I went from one extreme to the next, opposite ends of the spectrum. If I am in the middle, I am content staying in the middle. I hope this all makes sense.

I'm rambling again.

I had another first this week, an Emergency Room visit. I can honestly say that both of my firsts this week would have been allowed to never happen but alas they did.

A couple of things have helped me to regroup, grow up, learn and understand (still working on this one).

Priesthood blessings. My friend Debbie post on the priesthood couldn't have come at a better time. I read it the day my world came crashing down and it helped me to try and think bigger than myself. Thank you.

Brian. Aside from being an amazing husband and priesthood holder (he gave me a blessing), he stepped up and tried to make my pity party okay. He kept Aidan away (unless requested) and happy. It was wonderful to have a strong shoulder to cry on and with. He hurt too. But even in his hurt, he stayed strong and held me up, he didn't let me wallow too long. Thank you.

Aidan. For sensing something was wrong and being pretty chill about the babysitters, late nights and cuddles. Thank you for not freaking out because I kept needing to touch you and be near you. You are the best at cuddling (when you want too), thank you for wanting to cuddle and give mommy lots of needed loves.

Greater Larson clan. Our go to emergency and non-emergency babysitters. Without them, this last week would have been a little harder to deal with. Aidan spent the most part of five days hanging out at their house. Thank you.

Grandpa Bob and Virgie. Coming over at 1130PM because I was in pain and needed a blessing. Sorry to wake you from your sleep, but thank you for coming.

Suzie. For your support and the flowers. Thank you for being there if we needed you, that meant a lot. Thank you.

Mom and Dad. For being a ear to hear my complaints and a long distance shoulder to cry on.
Thank you.

Holly. What a wonderful woman you are. I love you. Thank you for concern and the daily texts.

And last but not least Dr. W. Hughes. You are an amazing man. You speak my language. You tell me like it is and have faith (with knowledge and experience) that has helped me a lot with hope. Thank you for being there, answering my questions and returning my phone calls.

Now that I have address the missing week. Let's all look forward to more posts, more positivity and more fun.