To blog or not to blog....

I have been wrestling with what to do about this blog. I have been wrestling with what to do about Facebook and other media (computer websites) that occupy my time. I find myself using these things as a means to escape my current crazy life. I can't run out of the house and do anything, because I am bound by three babies, an independent 3 year old, a lack of car large enough for us and a lack of confidence both in my surroundings (I have know idea what to do around here) and my confidence in leaving the house with three babies. So as a means to escape and see the outside world I find myself on the internet.

As I spend time exploring such wonderful technology I am constantly reminded of what things can be done, are being done and what could potentially happen in cyberspace. Maybe my mind runs away with thoughts of evil and horrible actions by others. But maybe, just maybe, my mind is trying to help me foresee the potential of others and helps me to realize just what is happening. Either way my desire to blog, desire to post on FB is wavering.

I enjoy being able to be in contact with friends and especially family. I have but one friend here in VA and so reading about the lives of everyone helps me stay connected. But as I stay connected I remember that everything on the internet stays on the internet. So I try and stay vigilant in my wordings, sharing and overall postings. It is at this time that I come to the conclusion that though I may try and avoid drama, confrontation, mishaps, and other malicious type behavior, that those who I cherish the most may be my undoing. Some don't understand my positions. Some don't understand my desire to be private, especially with family. I don't understand it. I want nothing more than to feel safe and comfortable for all my friends and family to stay connected with me and my family. But something, possibly my inability to trust others of past actions, I remain nervous and concerned about those closest to me.

Every time I think the dust has settled and life can return to the psuedo-normality that I have come to want and desire, someone or something kicks up a storm again.

Back to square one.

Ladies and Gentlemen. I have trust issues. HUGE TRUST issues. I have feelings of betrayal and confusion. It takes a lot of me to be in a position to WANT to trust again. But I have also noticed a new side effect of my trust issues. I want to block EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING that could POSSIBLY (INTENTIONALLY OR UNINTENTIONALLY) cause me any GRIEF, OUT OF MY LIFE AND MY FAMILIES.

I know this is not a good thing, but repeat offenders, repeat actions have made this a strong feeling.

I know a new "goal" to work on for the new year.

So that being said...should I continue to blog? Should I cut everyone out until I can make sense of these thoughts and feelings? My brain says yes, my heart is undecided. My better half, Brian, says not to let those BAD THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WIN. What to do what to do.

My options...

1-stop blogging.
2-stop FB
3-tighten my "circle" to those who would not hurt me or my family (very very small)
4-stop blogging and FB
5-stop everything and concentrate on letter writing and phone calls
6-start a new blog, very private very very private

What say you readers...if you are even still out there? My decision needs to be made sooner than later.